Session 10

As Harlan drifted through unconsciousness, it felt more like floating on a gentle ocean. He could smell the salt of the sea, feel the waves push him back and forth, and enjoy the warmth of the waters. When the waves at times took him under, he didn’t truly feel like holding his breath. It would have been easy, far too easy, to just let the waves take him. And he was considering that very choice when the waves spit him out onto a course, sandy shore. With a gasp, his eyes opened, and he returned to the land of the living.

While Harlan was unconscious, Renlen helped move him to the floorbed of his wagon while his wife and daughter huddled behind it. Irene dropped her Blur, almost passing out herself as the toll of battle exertion ravaged her migraine. Lorien, who had been taken down during the fight and revived by Harlan, limped over to the wagon. Vireya was the only member of the team who not only was uninjured, but had managed to avoid all damage by hiding in the underbrush as the rest of her team scrapped in the melee. As Harlan lay on his back in the cart, the extent of the damage was obvious. His chainmail had been melted and clawed to shreds and was wholly nonfunctional. A myriad of tears, cuts, bruises, abrasions, and burns covered the now-exposed flesh of Harlan’s upper body, so many that the rest of the group wondered if they weren’t appreciating his efforts to protect all of them.

None noticed the small red tattoo on the left side of his chest. None except Renlen, who, hands glowing, prepared to heal Harlan back to consciousness. Renlen remarked on the tattoo, which appeared to be a series of overlapping waves cascading over Harlan’s breast. He said it was the mark of a pagan, and despite the fact that he is clearly shirking his dedication to El, Renlen had no qualms about healing the man. Renlen’s glow infused Harlan with a far brighter luminescence than Harlan usually created with his magic, and his most grievous wounds were stitched together. His eyes opened as he pulled himself back to consciousness, and he sat up slowly.

Vireya and Irene, already chafing at the short leash Harlan had kept them on for most of their adventure thus far, jumped at the chance to use the information Renlen had provided them. The pair interrogated the still-groggy paladin, and he promised to explain his infidel roots later that night. Vireya forced him to pinky-promise her, which he did willingly. Renlen, moody over the immediate failure of his exodus, escorted YFPB the last few miles to Kalzaharn, the capital city of Serulea. The sounds reached the group before the sights, and as they exited the dense forest cover they saw a massive throng of people spread along the entrance. A series of tents and markets had sprung up around the looming arches that marked the open gateway into the city. Before attempting ingress, Harlan wrapped his tattered cloak around his exposed body and sought out an armor merchant to replace his chain mail.

Alas, he had failed to account for the seething hatred that Vireya and Irene held for the mercantile class. Immediately the pair began bartering, negotiating, threatening, swindling, and at multiple points prostituting themselves for goods. The group was accosted by a sitting man wrapped in cloth and manipulating some sort of small doll with magicks. He offered to link the lifeforce of two volunteers and combine their health pools, but asked for an exorbitant 500g fee. When the group revolted against the price, the merchant offered instead to create for them a miniature mud golem to do their bidding. He did not even ask for kois, but bartered for Harlan’s 10-foot tall magic pole taken from the mushroom Depthdweller. Harlan was not unwilling to part with the staff (useless to him as it was), but he saw no importance in a small familiar. Irene and Vireya, though, desperately wanted the golem, and offered to prostitute themselves for the prize. Vireya began stripping while Irene revealed that under her eyepatch was in fact a normal, fully-functioning eye.

Across the pathway they found an elderly Herbalist selling “natural” remedies that promised to be more effective than the normal processed potions. Harlan and Lorien purchased several orange and red potions that promised to help them in combat (giving advantage on attacks and healing over time, respectively) and distributed them accordingly. At this  point a commotion by the entry gates attracted the group’s attention, and they sauntered over. A kobold wearing the liveries of a king (an ostentatious cape, a crown, and some competently-forged armor) was in a heated argument with one of the gate guards. The guard reaffirmed to the kobold, who claimed to be the King of the Kobolds, that anyone seeking entry required either previous residency or a writ of sponsorship.

Before approaching the gate themselves, Irene immediately hid herself in an unnoticed crevice of tent fabric and Disguised herself as Renlen, assuming that he’s someone of import. Harlan immediately moved to intercept, concerned that Irene’s brazen attempt to imitate a well-off Paladin of El could very easily land all of them in hot water. Irene was nonplussed, arguing that all she had to say was “Destiny is Destiny, you know the drill.” Harlan managed to convince her to continue shopping under the guise rather than attempt to sneak into the city immediately. He then left her in the care of Lorien as he tried to find Vireya.

By this time, Vireya had gotten bored (and had been offended by the King of the Kobold’s lack of grace when talking to her) and had wandered until she found a fanciful merchant tent manned by a portly, jolly man who seemed to be well-versed in negotiation. The man was somewhat lecherous, further offending Vireya with compliments. He offered the pair some maps, one of Seruela and one of Kalzaharn, each, the merchant promised, magically imbued to update any large geographic changes. She decided to buy a cheap map of Serulea, but rather than spend her final remaining 5g she stomped her feet and called for Harlan like a servant. Vireya started shaking the bloodied and bruised paladin, demanded his money, spat on his shoes, and stormed out of the tent. Harlan ignores the impropriety and begins negotiating with the merchant. After some back and forth (and an interjection from Irene about drugs), the group procured two normal healing potions and a map of Serulea.

Irene, wandering the disorganized markets with Lorien, happened upon a masked mask merchant sitting cross legged on the ground. She immediately retrieved Vireya, and the two girls hatched a devious and altogether immoral plan. The two attempted to negotiate a cheaper price of the masks without even asking what they were for, at which point Vireya accosted both Harlan and Lorien for the funds to buy one. When they refused, Irene tried to use Goblin Gas and Vireya tried to use a 2 week-old schmorange to barter with. The merchant, understandably, refused. When they were rebuffed for the final time, the girls employed their plan. Vireya attempted to snatch as many masks as she could, but the merchant gathered them up into her arms and stood up. As she did, Irene summoned a minor illusion of fire in the pile of wooden masks. Despite seeing the magic emanating from the tielfing’s fingertips, the knee-jerk reaction of the merchant was to drop the masks. They scattered across the ground and Irene, still disguised as Renlen, ran over to “help”. Grabbing one of the masks at random, she sprinted away, leaving the merchant deprived and distraught. Over her shoulder, Irene made fun of the merchant for being a mute and declared that she had little recourse with the authorities. The mask merchant rebuked her taunts and, after losing Irene in the crowd, immediately sought out the nearest guard and began communicating in rapid gestures.

Irene let her disguise drop, thereby obfuscating the theft, but before she could wreak more havoc Harlan caught her by the arm. He very sternly chastised her for her crime, emphasizing that he for most of his life lived in this city and that getting jailed or worse by the guards before they even got into the city did not help them accomplish their goals. He made Irene and Vireya promise to pause their criminal instincts until they at least made their way  out of Kalzaharn. They did so, begrudgingly, and Vireya Spider Climbed up a nearby shanty to hide her loot on the roof. High risk, low reward, and she didn’t even bother to try it on.

As Harlan led the chagrined girls towards the gate as Lorien trailed, chuckling at the absurdity. He then felt a strange touch on his side, and as he slapped his bag he discovered that 20 kois were missing from his pouch. He immediately whipped around and with his perceptive elf eyes he immediately spotted a small black-cloaked gnome sidling away under various legs. Lorien shouted out to his group and caught the little man with little issue. The gnome fearfully reacted with violence, drawing a small dagger. As he tried to stab at Lorien, Harlan simply grabbed the gnome’s arms in each hand and lifted him off the ground. Lorien searched his person and found a pouch with various trinkets and some money, but not the stolen gold. Vireya and Irene, again, schemed to ruin the thief’s life for his transgressions. Irene pulled down his pants and conjured an illusion of shit on the ground underneath him, and Vireya used thaumaturgy to apply the distinct smell of shit to the area. The pair then loudly proclaimed to all who would listen that the gnome had shit himself out of fear.

A guard, hearing the commotion, approached and demanded an explanation. Harlan explained with confidence and detail, and the guard, seeing the shit on the ground, the dagger in the gnome’s hand, and the thief’s general disposition, was more than inclined to believe him. Harlan noticed a hidden pouch within the gnome’s cloak, and inside Lorien found his missing gold. Harlan then turned the thief over to the guard, deciding to not even claim his other assets. As the crowd lost its interest in the event, the group heard the flapping of wings above. Fearing another attack by mischievous crow, they were greatly relieved to spy a professional mail raven landing amongst them. It declared that it had a letter for team YFPB, and upon confirmation by the group deposited with them a crisply folded envelope. The raven requested no payment, played no pranks, and simply went on his way.

Inside the envelope was a letter from an anonymous contact requesting to meet them at the Eye of the Beholder Inn inside the city, as well as a writ of sponsorship. They now had the requisite documents to enter the capital. As they approached the gate, the group saw high on the tallest parapet a black winged woman in armor marked with sun symbols. Irene thought she saw similarities to Ezakyle, but the relationship ended with the wings. The armor-clad men guarding the entranceway were stoic and professional, and didn’t give Harlan any grief about the anonymous sponsor writ. The guards did ask a single task: to prove that they were not aligned with the Torvani Ascendency, each new person entering the city must perform a feat of magic. Vireya offered to take off her socks (to show off her “feat”), but the guards let her pass given the inherent mysticism of her race. Harlan Blessed Irene using his sun symbol of El, Irene fired off a tiny Eldritch Blast into the sky, and Lorien played games with his Mage Hand. Irene also made to help the King of the Kobolds enter the city, and for his magic he unleashed a massive gout of flame into the air, startling the crowd and antagonizing the guards.

After some rapid detente by Irene, the guards allowed the King of the Kobolds to enter the city with  YFPB. As they entered the massive city, even Harlan, who was used to its scale and splendor, was overtaken by the glory of Kalzaharn. Most villages in Serulea boasted less than 200 people (with some small hamlets harboring less than 20). Some larger cities might have thousands or in the larger cases tens of thousands. But Kalzaharn, capital city of Serulea, likely had a population in the hundreds of thousands, surpassing most of the secondary population centers combined. One scholarly estimate, though considered to be tourism-centered hyperbole, pegged the resident levels in Kalzaharn at over 1 million.

The city claimed a massive assortment of every amenity imaginable. Tourism, manufacturing, academia, theology, thaumaturgy, alchemy, transportation, residence, and every other industry and activity one could imagine was present in spades in Kalzaharn. The buildings were tall, the crush of humanity was ever-present, and the general grime associated with urban centers coated every surface. Countless types of creatures and peoples, each with their own unique style of dress and style, filled the streets and alleys. The scent of magic and Essence was omnipresent, and a dozen active magicians could be seen from any outpost. YFPB was too exhausted to be excited, having gone through the previous night suffering from the Nothic’s whims and having spent the day fighting to severe degradation. Irene alone had a visceral reaction to the city, wholly overwhelmed and intimidated. Harlan convinced the group to seek out the inn first, to rest and meet their contact, before exploring the pleasures of civilization. After an hour or so of wandering, Harlan became frustrated with his inability to locate the strange inn amidst the orange and crimson sunset.

A strangely-dressed woman covered in scars and wielding a sardonic smile hailed them, identifying herself as Chastity. She wore the uniform of a cleric of El, but spoke sarcastically and referred to the less reputable parts of the city as the “ghetto” (to Lorien’s consternation). She offered to lead the group to the inn they sought, and she did so without taking a single wrong turn. Chastity turned out to be correct: the inn wasn’t present in the tourist district of the city but was instead nestled in a narrow alleyway near several ironsmiths. The warped doorway revealed an inside incongruent with the inn’s facade; the inside was clean, spacious, and filled with life, laughter, and music. It was at this point revealed that Vireya had been secretly drinking her stash of alcohol since the end of the battle with the Babau. To her teammates this revelation helped explain her errant behavior, and they eased her into a nearby chair.

Vireya sent Harlan to the bar to obtain beers for the group. He met and briefly chatted with Bob the Bartender, who provided spiced beer that, while sharp and flavorful, was not very strong. Vireya demanded wine, then more beer, then something stronger all in the span of a few seconds. Harlan, who had quenched his thirst with the beer but had no desire to inebriate himself further, returned to the bar. Bob offered him Red Orcish Rum hesitantly, warning that for even most alcoholics, the brew was potent. Harlan paid his tab and brought back mugs for everyone at the table. Vireya chugged hers immediately, and, drunk already that she was, passed out completely and slammed her head into the table. While Vireya snored, Irene downed her rum as well. The liquor burned in her throat and stomach, but she needed the relaxant. Her time in the massive city had not been positive, and she had barely managed to keep herself from falling apart in terror during their time exploring the streets.

Irene turned out to have quite the constitution, she managed to stay nearly sober even after emptying her mug. Lorien, larger but more of a casual drinker, did not fare as well, and ended up quite loopy (though he managed to stay unconscious). Harlan abstained from the Orcish rum entirely. They considered ordering food, but before Harlan was forced to get up for the third time, they heard the clicking of heeled feet descending the nearby stairwell. From a side door exited a familiar face that the team never thought they’d see again: Lady Gwendolyn sauntered from the small entrance and leaned over the nearby balustrade. Waving them over, she took the head position at a long table on an upper portion of the dining area. YFPB made their way over (Harlan carrying the passed out Vireya), and they greeted the erstwhile diplomat. Before talking business, Gwendolyn waved down a serving boy and ordered a large, diverse feast of meats and breads and cheeses. Fruits were noticeably absent, as well as desserts, which disappointed the sweet tooths of Irene and Lorien. Harlan was also partial to fish, which was present but in surprisingly little amounts given Kalzaharn’s proximity to the sea. Vireya managed to wake up long enough to devour the food in front of her, but remained incomprehensible.

After the meal, Lady Gwendolyn brought the group upstairs to a private study lined with ancient books and warmed by the crackle of a grand fireplace. Taking their places on comfortable couches around the room, no member of YFPB was immune to the soporific effects of alcohol and a good meal. Vireya didn’t even try to stay awake, and fell back asleep leaning on Irene. The others managed to keep their good graces and listen to their contact. Gwendolyn explained that even in the intervening few days since the group set out from Flax’s war camp, the situation became even more dire. The Torvani Ascendancy’s vanguard had been spotted and in all likelihood would be arriving at Kalzaharn’s doorstep within the next 48 hours. As a result, the western gates had been completely sealed and likely won’t open until the Ascendancy is repelled or Kalzaharn is sacked. This was despairing news to the group who’d been counting on spending as little time in the capital city as possible. Gwendolyn also revealed that their target in Calloway was not just any Godshard, but the Crystal Heart, a unique artifact with special powers that would provide a significant advantage in the war and also do…something that the Ascendancy clearly wants to do. Gwendolyn was vague, but extremely explicit that if the Ascendancy managed to acquire the Crystal Heart, the world may itself end. Team YFPB, at least the conscious members, accepted the seriousness of the occasion and swore to undertake the quest to save Serulea.