Session 18

After multiple hours of arguing purely over the best way to activate the Message Stone (during which at no point did anyone consider that they already had telepathic message-sending jewelry that does the same thing), the group had turned entirely westward and were likely off the intended road. They were quickly stopped short by a deep gorge over a waterfall spanned by a rickety planked bridge. The bridge had seen many better days and was peppered with several large holes. But what drew the group’s attention were the multitude of spiky barricades alternating against the edges of the bridge and the population of goblins barring the way. Several archers lined wooden platforms that jutted out over the gorge, a hooded red goblin was perched on one of the platform’s railing, a strange Wizling-shaped goblin with a fork was staring from the far bank, and two unobservant goblins playing dice in the middle of the bridge.

Vireya was completely keyed-in on the Wizling-like goblin wizard, and wouldn’t even participate in the discussions about what to do. Irene seized the moment and, in a moment of inspiration, Disguised herself as a goblin woman named “Goblina”. She bound Harlan’s hand (and stump) and led him confidently across the bridge to meet the two guards. They jumped, startled, and immediately started asking questions in the Goblin language. Something like “dare da kimi wa?” in addition to more complex language. The members of YFPB realized at the same time that Irene’s plan had a fatal flaw: she could not speak Goblin in the slightest. In strong reminiscence of Morren’s attempt at bypassing several Torvani guards in a blacksmith, Irene chose to grunt and cough and pretend to be sick.

Luckily, goblins are very stupid. The two guards took Goblina at face value and led her and her conquest across the bridge and over to the wooden platform with the red goblin in charge. After some negotiations, to which Irene had no idea what she was agreeing to, the goblin leader palmed her three gold coins and took Harlan’s rope. As Irene watched in horror, the goblins led Harlan to the edge of the wooden platform and prepared to throw him over. She jumped to intervene, but the goblin leader shoved her back and discovered upon doing so that their disguise was false. Immediately the goblins began shouting “Teki! Teki!” to each other and all readied their weapons. Irene prepared another Dimensional Door for her and Harlan to meld through, but she realized that she in fact could not do that (past actions notwithstanding), and the magic faltered and withered. Instead, she summoned her spear and cut Harlan’s ropes. The fight was on.

The goblin “wizard” immediately teleported behind Vireya, and when she lashed out with her scythe the illusion was dispelled; the creature was indeed a Wizling, painted green and disguised as a goblin! The Wizling sprayed rainbow liquid into Vireya and Lorien’s eyes, blinding the elf but only serving to anger the tiefling. The Wizling followed up the attack by spraying webs at Vireya, wrapping her in sticky string and preventing her from moving. After jumping away and dodging an Eldritch blast, the Wizling teleported in front of Lorien, who, after wiping the rainbow sludge from his eyes, gutshot the little creature with his rifle. With a small squeak, the Wizling began oozing pink blood, but was not defeated. He teleported away again, leaving the pair frustrated and bloodthirsty.

Meanwhile, the real fight was occurring on the other side of the gorge. The goblin lookout immediately fled down the road, but the goblin squad leader, longbowblin, and gunslinger began attacking Harlan and Irene. The squad leader stabbed with daggers, but Harlan’s active protection as well as Irene’s wiles prevented any real attack from striking true aside from a small graze on Harlan’s arm. The gunslinger was too intimidated by Harlan to aim accurately, and he too failed in his attacks. Only the longbow-wielding goblin managed to injure a hero, flinging two small arrows into Irene’s left shoulder and bicep muscle. The Paladin and Warlock, by contrast, were lethal machines. In a coordinated series of stabs and swings, the goblin leader was crushed into the ground and speared through the brain. Irene, having embraced her rage for at least this moment, drank the leader’s Essence through her spear to nourish her wounded arm. Like Vireya, she had embraced pseudo-vampiric powers, but unlike the Tiefling drained the soul directly rather than allowing her weapon to enjoy the power.

The gunslinger goblin quickly reloaded and prepared another volley, but before he could shoot, several magical missiles took him in the back of the head, and he fell to the ground unconscious. A series of ground-trembling stomps later revealed the goblin lookout returning and, behind him, Aly! She called for an immediate stop to the fighting and happily greeted her friends. In the reverie Irene and Vireya attempted to grab the Wizling, but realized too late that he had been replaced with a highly accurate cardboard cutout. Irene looted the goblin supervisor and found an additional 12 gold, and admittedly felt a little guilty for selling Harlan for only three. Aly excitedly told the group about her new settlement, far from Buzzblade’s cave, a place she called Goblin Town (though was actually named Goblin City). As she led YFPB further west into a dense forest, she chattered about finding peace and avoiding constant conflicts with humans. Eventually, they emerged into a small, hilled clearing surrounded by massive trees, colorful mushrooms, and glowing crystals.

Aly explained that the goblins conquered this city from some evil gnomes; our heroes decried the racism but realized that their only experience with gnomes had indeed been negative. The small city, more like a village with only a dozen buildings, was teeming with life. Goblins, all women, leaned out of doorways or moved into the street to greet YFPB. Few of them spoke Serulean, but many tried to communicate despite the language barrier. Vireya immediately began scouring the town for anyone who could help fix Peebles, and dismissed the Naturalist for lack of fluency. She then met Maki, an alchemist who jumped at the chance to help restore Peebles to life. She explained that Vireya would need both the viscous magical slime of the snails that live in the forest, and the correct original mixture inside Peebles originally. Though she explained that the snails migrate and would likely arrive in the village soon, Vireya was incensed by the idea of discovering snails on her own in the underbrush.

The group wandered around the town, relieved and happy to have found a safe haven amidst the wartorn continent. After making nice with the lone fighter in the city, Inari, they ate (for free!) at a small cafe run by a woman named Oshi. They enjoyed eggs and cheeses, though they wondered where the food came from given the lack of farmers and ranchers around. Vireya and Irene tried to ask Oshi about snails and potions, but couldn’t get the point across. Vireya began scooting across the ground to mimic the snail, and, as Oshi brought the group some thin Goblin Brew, Irene “disguised” herself with an illusion to make herself look like a gigantic goblin baby. She did so in an attempt to ask Oshi if she was pregnant (she had decided to not drink with the group after serving them), but her visage was so disturbing that Oshi disappeared into the kitchen and did not re-emerge.

Lorien nearly begged the girls to quit the shenanigans until they were at least able to get a good night’s rest. Harlan applied additional rules: no stealing, no killing. The girls begrudgingly agreed, but immediately ran off to search a nearby garden for snails. As the girls began rooting around the plants and grass, Irene stepped on something crunchy. Regretting her lack of perception but hoping the crunch was of a snail shell, she looked to find a small, strange-looking fae creature. Aly had warned them that there were fae in the area (as well as their infamous grudges), but Irene had not been careful enough. The tiny creature cursed Irene and swore its revenge before fading away into dust. The girls returned to Harlan and Lorien, who had been watching with vague disinterest as they continued to eat their meal, and despondently described what happened.

They quickly perked up after Vireya grabbed a series of sausages and draped them around her neck, and the pair ran deeper into the city to see where Aly had gone. Lorien sighed and continued his in-depth discussion on the morality of collective economic philosophy with Harlan, a common refrain between the two when Vireya and Irene are off causing chaos. Ignoring some moody humans loitering by another house, Vireya wandered around several piles of purple crystal shards, and, after making sure no one was looking, actively ignored Harlan’s rule and stole a handful of shards. The two soon turned into a large, raised plaza that contained an utterly massive, glowing green crystal. Aly and her automaton were waiting, and she greeted the two enthusiastically. Aly explained that the gigantic crystal was, in fact, the Arcane Forge of Goblin City. Indeed, the waves emanating from the crystal infused the girls with the same caffeine-induced excitement that Glowkindle’s Forge had. Magic came easily to their fingertips and their brains were alight with energy.

Yet, where was the “forge” part of the Arcane Forge? Nowhere to be seen, really, aside from a standard anvil and hammer set up next to the crystal. Clearly the machinations of this town’s Arcane Blacksmith were less refined. Unless the forge was destroyed when the goblins took over? The girls didn’t know. But Aly went to fetch the mayor from the town hall, so the girls leaned over the raised guardrails and called down to the boys. Harlan and Lorien finished their meal and meandered to the plaza. They arrived just as the mayor answered the door. She was a small goblin woman, wearing a kimono and smoking. She also spoke with a distinctly native Serulean accent; that is to say, no accent at all. She welcomed the heroes to her city in a deadpan voice, asked them to keep the peace, and told them they could sleep in a nearby house. Without hesitation the exhausted heroes piled into the house to get some much needed rest.

Inside the small but cozy hostel interior, Vireya took a bath and made sure the door stayed open while Lorien picked the lock of a barred door. He discovered an entrance to an unfinished basement filled with fruit preserves, of which he took four jars. By this time, Vireya had finished her bath and was actively making Harlan uncomfortable with her nudity. Seeking solace in slumber, Irene discovered that there were only three beds: two singles in one room and a double in another. The girls jumped on the two individual beds, forcing Harlan and Lorien to share the double. To add insult to injury, the girls pushed together their two beds to form a double of their own. By this time, exhausted after their inexplicably long day, the group fell into a deep and comfortable sleep, from which they were not interrupted.

Upon waking, Lorien decided that it would behoove their efforts to begin keeping track of their objectives. He started organizing a list on some loose paper as the group made their way out into the dappled sunlight. They ate again at Oshi’s restaurant, though this time from a buffet set out in advance and not directly from the chef herself. The group talked to the only people they’d avoided the day before: a group of rough-looking humans perched under an awning. When engaged, the group, made up of Tomara (an excited artificer), El (a disgraced priest), and Brienna (a vengeful dual-wielding gunslinger), was highly abrasive. This offended Vireya, but it wasn’t until Tomara noticed Harlan’s missing arm that her attitude changed. She immediately accosted the paladin, touching his stump and asking him if he wanted a new arm. When he agreed, she described the materials she needed: Dreamweaver Metal and Magicore gem. Where the group could get those things she had no idea, but even after making the arm they would need someone to perform a bonding ritual, so it was a longer-term goal in any case.

After some unproductive arguments with Brienna (who was holding only a single bullet in each gun) and El (who broke out of his mutterings to warn Lorien to turn right inside a cave), the group returned to Aly and the mayor. Aly excitedly informed the group that they could teleport them to Calloway! But they would need their Arcane Blacksmith back; Nigiri had been kidnapped over a week ago and they assumed the worst. There was also someone killing all of Aly’s scouts, but details were strange and fuzzy since the perpetrator appeared to be wearing blue instead of the Torvani red. In any case, Lorien noted all of these quests down dutifully. At this point, the group had numerous directions to choose from: they needed to save the world by finding the Crystal Heart, but for that they needed to get to Calloway, and to get to Calloway they needed to find the Goblin Blacksmith, but Aly couldn’t help them until the Goblin Killer was stopped. They also needed to find materials for Peebles and materials and money for Harlan’s arm. The group also needed to catch and enact vengeance on Aleksandra, as well as catch and murder Vireya’s hitlist of Wizlings.

All in all, the group had their work cut out of them. They headed west out of the village in hopes of finding the Goblin Killer.